but it’s okay. Just knowing that you want to be with me, and only me is enough to get me through.
Really hangin’ on the arrival of my new glasses today…
Why is everyone so damn keen on trying to define everything?
"So do you have a boyfriend..?" No, he’s not my boyfriend.
"What are you?" What do you mean?
Maybe, just maybe, we’re in that nice stage where we just enjoy each other’s company and like each other, but haven’t had a conversation yet about being in a relationship. Maybe you should respect that and let us figure it out instead of pressuring your friend into rushing something good, just so you have peace of mind.
I know this is petty, but so is pestering me with questions about what to call us. Just use our names.
Ps. I just got the fuck back from overseas, I haven’t seen him in 2months — Just give a girl a little time!
While I lie here. Everything aching.
What a strange night.
I am such a fool.
And I have no one.
My heart aches for you, for myself.
My insides, aside from still being intoxicated, feel torn to shreds.
I wonder why I let him do that to me.
Did I want it?
Yes, I suppose. Consent was given but was it regretted?
I’m in love with someone. It feels so wrong.
If I fuck this up..
I, I don’t know. It would destroy what happiness I’ve managed to scrape together in this place.
This place I don’t want to be.
And this is my last resort.
Being unable to talk and vent to the people I want.
Those I need.
A pathetic blog post.
A cry for help?
I get my glasses in a week.
I need some time.
This is too much fucking pressure.
I can’t deal.
Jet lag is killing me.
I can’t talk to anyone right now.
I just can’t.
being home just feels really weird, i expected it to feel like home but it doesn’t really
maybe it’s just my overtired brain
but stuff like
i forgot where all the lightswitches are and my bed is too soft and i feel weird wearing the clothes in my wardrobe and my room doesn’t feel like mine
I’m so not ready to go back…
Reblogging this again because it is super relevant.
I look at my room and just think… “Who lives here?”
I’m not the same person anymore, and I seriously need to de-clutter and purge.
All I want to keep are my books and some of my clothes.
I want to buy a big white mattress and replace my desk with a long thin white bench.
Also I want to move out.
Okay, my one deserved snap for this leg of my trip. I’ve been waiting at the damn train station up here in kiruna for 3hrs now - because there’s nothing to do in this fucking town on Sundays especially, so I made the trek (yes, trek.) to the station to just wait it out in a sheltered area. Now I get a damn notification from SJ (Swedish railways) saying that the train has been delayed another 1.5hrs. Great. Just fucking great.
I forgot to take my meds this morning and every other fucking commuter here is getting on my last nerve. Gah!
I’m leaving without really having done any of what I wanted to do, without seeing the northern lights.
I was prepared to stay on, but the extra days would throw the rest of my trip out and to make matters worse I have a chest infection and the extreme temperatures (-30C) make it really hard and painful to breathe.
OKAY, I’VE CALMED DOWN NOW..
So, okay, I know it’s going to be fine, and I’m not going back on what I said, I’m allowed to feel things other than happiness even on my dream trip. Nobody is allowed to judge me for not doing what I wanted to do here. I still have amazing experiences. And it’s another excuse to come back.
Also Tom sent me a message that reminded me that he cares. He is the only thing that has given me an ounce of happiness the past five hours. Amazing.
My god, my brain will not be quiet. I need to get it out somehow, so just ignore the following emotional vomit.
I miss him so much. Like a ridiculous amount. I feel things for him that don’t even make sense. I travelled with him for three weeks for Christ sake! I’m not supposed to feel this way. I love him. I mean, not LOVE him love him, but I love him. I love everything about him. He makes me feel everything that is good.
Gaaaaaahhhhh! Cyj?dtjcgmvhctjsrhzfnxgjfjjxtjdtjdtdtrtgxgxdffttyhu4466£=* fghhhghk?gdtg5%%%&-“”-
And I freaking want to have sex okay?
Jfc. I am so in love with this guy. I cannot stop thinking about him. I cannot wait to get back to Melbourne and see him. Fuck.