I want to come home.
This anxiety is debilitating.
I miss my friends and family
I can’t eat.
The airline lost my bag.
fuuuuuuuck. should have gone hiome with you yes please. omg that tash, and the way you talked about archer and childish gambino. anmd that accent. fuck. you started getting cosy with me in the cab after nat left and I just dont know how to react socially. I dont expect people to be interestd in me ever. that’s not a thing.
Yeah, okay, but ugh, you’ve done this at least three times to me and one other person. When is the point where it’s not okay. Are you only limited by the fact that I’m kind of seeing someone so you think it’s okay? Or is this going to be a constant venture where you have to prove that you’re somehow better than me and that you can get the guy over me? It’s just a bit rude. I don’t care in the outcome of things but come on, way to steal my thunder and crush me dude.
Public crying is never preferable, but I’m at the point where I don’t give a fuck what people think. Fuck everything. I’ve broken.
Oh, and I made him a little hanging terrarium at work and now it sits on his desk. He hasn’t noticed yet, but I also attached a little note with the Swedish words "Till vad som är nästa" which roughly translates to (I hope, haha) "To whatever is next."*
*Because I’m leaving for Scandinavia in two weeks and we haven’t defined our involvement.
I had such a lovely night last night.
- night in with kieran
- watched freaks and geeks
- lots of making out
- and cuddling
- introduced him to the wonderful world of parks and recreation
- went for an evening walk to get indian take out
- brought it back to bed to eat
- had more sex
- lay in bed talking and learning things about each other until early this morning
Log on to Facebook after deactivating it months ago and the first post that comes up is that my Ex is in a relationship with the girl I had weird paranoia about. Turns out it wasn’t weird at all and this teaches me a thing or two about gut feelings and trusting them instead of discounting them all the time. Gross. Just another reason to eradicate it from my life completely, which is what I proceeded to do.
I may, and that is a big MAY, create a new personal account for when I am overseas just to update the bare minimum of my friends and in case I make new overseas friends that I want to keep in touch with.
Excuse me now while I post some expletives and emotional vomit below the Read More line, in relation to the worst person I know. I wouldn’t bother reading. It’ll just be embarrassing, horrible, heat-of-the-moment crap.
Apparently this behaviour has taken a leading role in the story that is my life as of late.
I am so sick and tired of family members, friends, and strangers putting in their two cents on my decisions, appearance, and way of being. How is what I’m doing, any of your business? I am not hurting you or anyone else, so just butt-out! My life is not something to objectify and pull apart in a gross attempt to make yourself feel better or more superior than me.
You’re making me feel terrible, and why doesn’t that bother you more?
Leave me the fuck alone.
Red wine happy. But also just genuine happy :)
Had a beautiful and satisfying afternoon with Kieran — indulged in sunshine, sex and snuggles. Then a bit of a Halloween-themed farewell dinner for Ben with Nat, where I was introduced to the wonderful world of Monty Python on a contented belly of take-out and “bloody” red velvet cupcakes. I am so in love with these amazing new people in my life. I feel loved and treasured and a part of something that makes my life worthwhile. For that, I am eternally grateful. I never thought I’d come this far.
hurry up! I wanna have sex already, haha.